September’s One-On-One challenge

goolsby One-On-One challengeThanks to Gail Goolsby for today’s guest blogger post. Gail has an MA, an MEd, and is a lifelong educator, including past leadership at an international school in Afghanistan. She and her pastor husband of 38 years live where the wind blows over the prairie in south Kansas. She counsels and coaches using God’s Word to help others learn to live well.


Everyone wants to know and be known intimately by someone. We want to have relationships where connections can be quick and meaningful. September is One-on-One Month. Consider what you can do to ramp up your relationship investment.

The most important people in our lives should not have to wonder if we care about current challenges they are facing or achievements they have completed. They should be able to answer affirmatively that when they talk—we truly listen.

How can we experience the most from our meetings and conversations?

How can we communicate our presence, our full attention to the other person?

In Your Face and Off Your Phone

In today’s culture, being physically present and not looking at a phone are keys to quality conversations.

In a 2014 study conducted by Shalini Misra from Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, people were observed from a distance conversing in a coffee shop. More than factors of age, gender, ethnicity, mood, topic, or relationship closeness, the presence of mobile devices impacted the overall satisfaction of interaction between participants. The absence of mobile devices resulted in higher level reports of empathy and superior communication.

With the present technology overload, device-free gatherings are unusual, whether in a restaurant, home, or conference room. The challenge is daunting but vital. Put aside beeping, blinking, tweeting equipment when engaging a person or a group.

Presence is Proximity and Purpose

When we do have the opportunity to connect one-on-one with a friend, family member, co-worker, or employee, we show our desire to be present with:

  • Curiosity (find out something new)
  • Good questions (go for deeper than surface reports on work and activities)
  • Engagement (make eye contact, maintain positive body language)
  • Appreciation (share something valuable about person)
  • Active, responsive listening (don’t interrupt, occasionally check for understanding)
  • Focus (avoid looking around, letting thoughts wander)
  • Humor (tell a funny anecdote to release endorphins for everyone)

Satisfaction for All

Maybe the exchange happens while walking through the neighborhood or during a car ride. Perhaps in a kitchen, park, coffee shop, break room, or child’s room before bedtime.

Wherever, whenever the chat takes place, plan to be present and phone-free and make it a quality time that both of you will enjoy.

Accept the September One-On-One challenge and purpose to have satisfying conversations with the important people in your life. Who will be first on your list?







3 thoughts on “September’s One-On-One challenge

  1. I will have the opportunity to have some good conversation with some close to me in the next few days. When I go out in public, I am amazed at all the people on their devices. It seems they have replaced talking face to face! This cannot be good. It is changing society and how will it ever swing back?

  2. I like Gail. I’m sure I would also like her face to face. She has some very good ideas. And as I was reading what she wrote, I was thinking of an event today. While at work, I opened something on my computer that unleashed more than 1600 adware and spyware things onto my computer. The IT man had to come and help me clean up my computer. There we sat, waiting for the cleanup crew (on my computer) to get those bugs off my computer. He had just returned from visiting his cousin in ND, so I asked him about the trip. It turned out to be a very interesting conversation. I learned a lot about him and his wife that I hadn’t known previously.

  3. When we meet for “Family Dinner”–my adult kids, s/o, grandma and me, phones are not allowed. It works. I cringe, though as a parent I do “get it” when I see cars whiz by with kids watching a dvd or glued to a tablet or phone. Growing up I learned a lot from the “sit there and ride” rule–I observed the world around me, got bored, solved the boredom (sometimes not very nicely!) and learned to get along with my family and just talk. How bizarre today’s parents are thinking childhood must be “magical” every minute. That a moment of boredom will stunt their kids. Wrong.

Comments are closed.